What Am I Going to Do?
by Wraith Ink-Slinger
Summary: "There is no great genius without some touch of madness.   Lucius Annaeus Seneca"  He always knew this would happen, but that doesn't make it easier to handle.  Oneshot.


What Am I Going to Do?

A/N: I wrote this late last night as soon as the idea occurred to me, which I haven't done in quite a while. It's angsty-fun. Hope you guys enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything recognizable. Including, but not limited to: Criminal Minds or the characters.

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_No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness._

_~Aristotle_

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"Reid?" JJ called, knocking on the door again. There was no answer.

It was 11:00 on one of the BAU's precious free Saturday mornings. Reid was supposed to meet her at the movie theater at 10:30. JJ had waited for a good 15 minutes, hoping Reid would come dashing in, apologizing and saying he'd gotten caught up in some scholarly pursuit and lost track of the time. Or that he was caught in terrible traffic. Or _something_. But he didn't and something about it didn't feel right to JJ.

She'd left the theater and headed straight to Reid's apartment. She told herself it was probably nothing. That she was simply overreacting. But her friend had her worried. The circles under his eyes had been darker as of late. He'd barely eaten anything of the meals they'd taken as a team and he appeared to be losing weight he couldn't afford to. He was jumpy- much more so than he'd ever been. All these reasons carried JJ up to Reid's fourth floor apartment and compelled her to knock on his door.

After five minutes of knocking and few calls of his name, Reid had not come to the door and JJ was officially _worried_. She was about to give the knob a try when she heard a dull thud and a strangled shout come from somewhere within.

It was an automatic response now, to tug frantically at the doorknob with a slightly more panicked shout of "_Reid_?" The door was locked, but JJ quickly remembered the extra key Reid had presented her with and dug it out of her purse.

The door was unlocked faster than JJ could ever remember getting any door open and she was in the apartment in a heartbeat. Even though she knew the locked front door meant the probability of an intruder was low- God, she wounded like _Reid_- she still wished she wasn't rushing into an unknown and potentially dangerous situation without her gun.

There was nothing in the hallway and the first two doors to her left yielded an empty bathroom and kitchen. "Reid?" She called out again, attempting to sound as confident as possible.

There was no answer, but she heard another, quieter thud coming from the third and last door down- the living room. She entered cautiously and saw nothing inherently threatening. But there was definite cause for alarm.

Reid sat hunched over on the floor against the wall, arms crossed over his midsection, breathing heavily. "Reid?" JJ asked in alarm, stepping closer.

The young man flinched but made no change in his position beyond clenching his eyes shut. "Spence…" The liaison ventured, softer than before, taking another tentative step forward.

In a flurry of sudden motion, Reid brought his hands up to his ears and stood up abruptly. "_Shut__UP_!" He shouted, his voice rising to the loudest JJ had ever heard it.

"Sorry!" She replied automatically, scrambling back a few steps.

Reid's eyes snapped open and he seemed to really see the first agent for the first time. "JJ!" He cried, sounding both fearful and relieved. "Not _you_! I didn't mean _you_. I meant…"

The frantic genius broke off and waved his arms, as if gesturing to something. He stared wide-eyed at JJ, his terrified eyes imploring her to understand. The blonde looked around, confused and, for the first time in her life, _frightened_ of Spencer Reid. "What, Spence?" She asked quietly.

"The noises!" Reid shouted, making JJ jump again. "The- the voices! They're so _loud_! Can't you- can't you hear them?" He broke off breathing heavily.

JJ stared at her friend, unsure of how to answer. Reid blinked at her silence and seemed to come back to himself. "You can't. You can't… hear them, can you?" His tone begged her to say otherwise.

All JJ could do was blink against the sudden moisture welling up in her eyes at the desperation in Reid's voice, and shake her head.

It was as if something switched off in that moment and Reid broke. "Oh… no. Oh, God… you can't… couldn't- can't hear them…" His breath came in heavier gasps as he backed against the wall and slid back down to the floor. "_No_…"

"Spence," JJ called, stepping forward and sounding stronger than she felt. "Spence, you have to calm down."

Her words had little effect on her friend's state as he continued working his way up to hysteria. Unsure of what else to do, JJ walked slowly forward and knelt down next to Reid. She put a hand on his heaving chest and pressed lightly. "_Spencer_," She said in a tone she hoped sounded both gentle and authoritative. "Breathe with me, okay?"

Panicked eyes locked onto hers and the genius did his best to obey. Soon JJ had him to a point where she at least wasn't fearful for his consciousness. She took a seat next to him and put an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close. Rather than resist, Reid laid his head on her shoulder and drew his knees up to his chest, and it wasn't long before JJ could feel his body heaving with silent sobs. Her shoulder quickly grew wet, but that thought was far from her mind as she hugged him closer and waited for the sobs to subside.

When they did, Reid lifted his head to look at her, his eyes and face red and damp with tears. JJ expected she looked much the same. When Reid spoke to her, his voice conveyed all the confusion and uncertainty- all the pure, unchecked _fear_ of what was happening. "_What am I going to do_?"

It was JJ's job to have the answers. To cure the worries of victims and families, to answer the media. But this was a question to which JJ had no answer. The only thing she could do was hug Reid tighter and cry along with him because she simply didn't know.

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_There is no great genius without some touch of madness._

_~Lucius Annaeus Seneca_

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A/N: See? Angst-ridden fun. Now go read something cheerful! But if you feel like writing a review first, that would be lovely. Thanks and I hope you enjoyed!


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